on most days
quiet consumption
will suffice
on other days
being devoured
with ravenous glee
is the only way to be sated
a look
a caress
a slight smile
being
loved
loudly
being
possessed
fully
filled
always
in all ways
you are mine
i am yours
Copyright © 2018 Tamika Brown and TheFynePrynt.com
i walk away
it is he who smiles
it is i who is pleased
Copyright © 2018 Tamika Brown and TheFynePrynt.com
what is it with this thing
this thing between you and me
this thing that keeps growing
keeps changing
devolving
deescalating
driving rivers and driving wedges
firmly between our shores
caught within the clasp
of a million minutes past
bringing it up
sinking us down
leaving not even enough room for light
much less love
rushing ever swifter towards a calling that cannot be denied
but a calling that leaves me
not by your side.
Copyright © 2017 Tamika Brown and TheFynePrynt.com
If we’re completely honest with ourselves, there is always a sign. There is always that very first instance that makes us aware that something exciting is about to happen or that something is wrong. Oftentimes though, we ignore it, we put it to the side. We shrug it off as if it’s nothing.
Towards the end of December 2014 I had an itch on the side of my boob but thought nothing of it. I just thought it was some bumps. I thought – “now that I have some real insurance, I should go see my GYN for a checkup and schedule my mammogram since I’m on the verge of my 40th birthday.”
**It should be noted here that for the previous 4 years I had been in varying states of self/under/un-employment.**
Anyway, fast forward to January 2015 and I finally made an appointment because the small patch I thought were just bumps were still present but felt like they were moving when I would touch them. The PA who did my breast exam in early February described them as “peas”.
She scheduled my mammogram and denied my request for a new birth control prescription … “let’s wait and see what the mammogram says.”
Two weeks later I’m in for my first mammogram which includes a diagnostic. For those who don’t know, this means that in addition to the awkward, super squeezing boob machine there is an ultra-sound type test they do. {there’s a lot more to this part of the story but more on that another time} The results came back and there were 2 suspicious areas.
I got a call from both my GYN and the breast surgeon she recommended me to. Needless to say I was already going nuts — internally of course. NOBODY wants to hear from 1 doctor in a day, let alone 2 …
The very next week I was in for a core needle biopsy, which also has it’s very own story.
My surgeon had decided to biopsy the second area first because of its location. This was not “the peas”. This was an area only detected by the mammogram. She was less worried about this area but wanted to biopsy it first because it would be a little bit more involved than the area of “peas”.
Two weeks later I was in for the results. I was as nervous as nervous could be. But, I consoled myself with this thought while I was waiting for the doctor. Don’t laugh.
I was sitting in the exam room, fully dressed, waiting for what felt like an eternity and thought “You know what? It’s fine. Everything is fine. In all the movies and tv shows the doctor takes you into their office if it’s bad news. I’m not in her office. I’m in the exam room, fully dressed to boot! It’s fine. I’m fine”
The doctor breezed in, with 2 interns in tow, said hi, grabbed her little stool, rolled over to me, put her hand on my leg while simultaneously saying:
It’s cancer.
For those keeping count, in the span of roughly 5 weeks I went from being just Tamika to Tamika-with-a-cancer-diagnosis.
Copyright 2016 Tamika Brown/The Fyne Prynt
So I was sitting at my desk speaking to a colleague {white woman} when another colleague {Black man} walked up.
He was looking for vending machine change from my “change pot”.
He pulled money from his pocket, he only had billsz
I started dancing .. a la stripper meme when money comes out.
She held her hand out …
She then commented: “you started dancing, I just held my hand out…”
We all laughed but hours later I find myself thinking “well damn, ain’t that how life is …”
Some gotta put in werk, others, need simply to hold out a hand.
To be whisked away on the wings of words driven by the winds of pen to paper, thoughts to actions and beauty as breathtaking as the imagination allows.
Copyright © 2014 Tamika Brown and TheFynePrynt.com
Image: DeviantArt
Wanted a drink,
made it a double
accidentally.
Now,
feeling fine,
purposely.
Copyright © 2014 Tamika Brown and TheFynePrynt.com
I’m yearning to consume you,
to make you mine.
To walk away feeling completely:
…. nourished
…. overwhelmed
…. satiated
…. content
…. fulfilled
{all those things which, of course, lead to regret the next day.}
Leaving behind nothing more
than the opportunity to indulge once more.
Copyright © 2014 Tamika Brown and TheFynePrynt.com
sometimes the Brilliance is so bright it Causes momentary Disorientation. the Warmth and Fullness of a smile not easily won but once Obtained, is given over Freely. the nearly imperceptible Hesitation falls away, Becomes nothing more than a Fleeting fancy meant to provide just enough Distraction from your light. it cannot succeed though. you are so much more than what Even the most Flattering thoughts convey about You. on Some level of your being you Understand this to be true. yet you hold yourself above none – Insisting That although your light shines, It is not to blind, but to Illuminate.
Copyright © 2014 Tamika Brown and TheFynePrynt.com
Wretched earth does not begin that way. It starts out healthy, ready, and willing to give of itself in order to bring forth new life. Enduring time, circumstance and situation in efforts to reach it’s full potential. It knows that without creating and supporting new life that’s it’s own existence is in vain.
Seeds are planted there by the hands of nature or by the hands of man. No matter how they got their start there will be no success without care, concern, and nourishment. When left though, to their own accord there instead grows discord.
Becoming taller, stronger and ever more inflexible. Springing forth branches filled will things that will ultimately do more harm than good. When decaying the foulness falls as if from the lips of the most wicked of wickeds.
It it this falling that seeps through layers, burrows down deep and draws away every good thing until the only thing that remains … is wretched earth.
Copyright © 2014 Tamika Brown and TheFynePrynt.com
Image:aion
The Fyne Prynt 
