The Mythology of Modesty

Society says
button up all the way to the top
that dress should be below your knee
tuck those curves away
wearing red lipstick is for loose women
fishnet panty hose are for whores (or husbands)
zip our lips if we want to be chosen
push our personality down so as not to offend

We have been convinced that modesty will save us
That is the power of the Mythology of Modesty

The Mythology of Modesty tells women that if we cover up, we will be safe
It says that if we are meek and mild and modest
Our lovers will not force themselves upon us
Our bosses will not pass us by for promotion
It says that if we just dress differently
A stranger on the street won’t catcall us on our way home
Our partners will not forsake us for another
It has convinced us that if we would just act differently or put on pants instead, a stranger would not accost us and claim what is ours as his own

From church pews to classrooms to boardrooms
She who shows herself –
her mind,
her heart,
her body

is viewed as less than

No matter
the depth of her knowledge,
the fullness of her love
the magnificence of her body

Until her Blackness is revered
Until her brilliance is celebrated
Until her very existence matters
Until she is held in high regard
Until she is protected as a national treasure
Until she is viewed as whole

Modesty will not save her.
And it will not save you.

BlackMagicWoman #InHerOwnWords

Copyright © 2020 Tamika Brown and

We Lose So Much

“For #NigelShelby, Whom I Did Not Know, But Love”

We are such a sad and fearful people.

We speak words that indicate that we want to be happy, filled with joy, have a peaceful + wonderful life.

But our actions.

Our actions speak much differently and certainly much louder.

Because we are ashamed, we want others to be so as well.

Because we hide our feelings, we want others to do so as well.

Because we do not know how to love – ourselves, not others, we want others to also experience that lack.

We hide behind the status quo.

We hide what others think.

We run from what “they” might say.

Instead of holding them to the light,

Instead of making them a priority

We neglect those who lift us higher

We tuck them to the side, we force them to hide.

And because of our fear,

our lack of understanding,

our lack of care

our hiding

We make those who choose love, light and life … suffer.

Rest In Power young man 🌈💕

Copyright © 2019 Tamika Brown and

you good (?)

“Check on your strong friend.” This has been on all my timelines the last several days. Initially, it struck me as “YESSS!!” but then it kept niggling at me.

I understand that the sentiment behind it is to get us to check on that friend who is ‘always there when needed’, the one who always seems ‘to have it all together”, that friend who is ‘always ensuring everyone has what they need’ …

But still, somehow, to ME, it seems to negate something or someone. Or maybe it brings to mind just how selective we have become with our humanity, our love and care towards one another. We place people in categories and dole ourselves out to them based on how we perceive them or where they sit on our ‘spectrum of care’. We meter our time and attention and even our words of encouragement.

The sentiment of checking on your “strong friend” is a perfect example though I suppose. Because they look like they have everything under control, we give them less of us. Less encouragement, less help, less time.

So, yes! Check on your “strong” friend, your “regular” friend, your “mediocre” friend, even your “sketchy” friend. We’re all out here trying to make it.


Don’t let anybody devalue/dismiss your thoughts or emotions by telling you to simply ‘pray about it’. Prayer does indeed work BUT we must ALSO take action!

(If you or anyone you know is dealing with depression, mental illness or thoughts of suicide please reach our for help. Call 1-800-273-8255 or find a dedicated therapist at

Copyright © 2018 Tamika Brown and

Pouring Out

put the kettle on

Life is truly about ebbing and flowing; ups and downs; giving and taking. But if we are not careful, if we do not take good care of ourselves we can end up flailing about, constantly searching for our buoyancy. And of course, when we flail, we run the risk of grabbing for anything in search of salvation.

And it’s funny how it happens, we roll right along, doing the ten million things we do. Working, listening, giving, creating … constantly pouring out. All the while, not noticing our own meter. Not noticing that we are not being poured into.

Take parenting for instance. Although I haven’t done the official math on it, I believe that 100% of the time, parents will only receive about a 10% return on “parental investment”. Our children love us, but simply do not care about how much we do to, with and for them. We can bake five thousand cookies the night before a bake sale because a teacher sent a last-minute note in desperate need. We do it for the love of our children, for the support of teachers whom we also love. In return, we may/possibly/not likely receive a pre-typed thank you note in return.

Anyway, you get my meaning on that. I am not delusional enough to think that there is ever a point at which we receive in the same measure what we give. And although the numbers will differ, every aspect of our lives have a measure of input-output which should ultimately balance out.

Confession. I have a terrible problem of monitoring my meter. Whenever I commit to something, I really commit. I’m not a perfectionist but I do place a high expectation on myself to create the best thing or love honestly and without hesitation.

I also have a terrible problem of not demanding that which I pour. And because of this, I at times find myself at points of near-emptiness. All while simultaneously being filled with tears and longing. Filled with a desire to be poured into. Filled with a longing to be loved honestly and without hesitation.

It’s amazing just how much space absence can take up.

Thankfully though, I understand the importance of self-care, of saying no to other people and things. Of saying yes to myself. For now, this is enough to allow me the space to continue to grow stronger in voicing my needs with the full expectation of being poured into …

Copyright 2018 Tamika Brown and The Fyne Prynt