Posted in expression

On Loss

many of us would rather skip mourning.

Mourn it. Bless it. Release it.

it is emotional labor that we would rather not do because it forces us to sit with our sadness until we are able to articulate it. whether it is job loss, relationship loss or the loss of a loved one we must learn to grieve the absence. grief, when confronted, has the power to help us grow.

in the moment though, the sadness can feel as though it is invading your every thought, your very being. but there is a point at which you are able to name it and that is important.

it is important because once you’re able to say “i’m sad because i mourn the loss of ______” you can begin to heal. you can celebrate the blessing of the thing/person that once brought you joy. celebrate the experiences. celebrate all the highlights. celebrate all the wins. celebrate the love.

then, you can release it.

let go of that which no longer serves your joy, your growth, your peace.

Copyright © 2021 Tamika Brown and

Inspired by a conversation with a dear friend.

Posted in expression

On vulnerability and “you forgot to thank me” …

Malcolm and Marie has gotten mixed reviews. Well, not really, people either like it or they don’t – but that’s neither here nor there.

This random chain of thoughts isn’t for the “I would never stand for that type of treatment” women (or men). This is for people like me who at some point(s) in life have tried so hard to make everything be the way it “should” be. And this can be anything from parenting to romantic partnership.

There is a monologue toward the end of the film in which Marie explains to Malcolm how she feels about not being thanked at a huge moment in his life. It stuck with me. It is relatable content. It made me think of Bernadine in Waiting To Exhale when she’s explaining how she was the “background to your foreground”.

On the surface it seems petty to even imagine that we would center ourselves in the midst of our partner’s success. But, in fact, how often have we been put to the side? Made to feel as though all that we give is nothing at all. The vulnerability comes in here.

Are we even able to admit we feel this way, whether to ourselves or to someone else?

I remember one time I was excited about a project, nothing big, just something that tickled my fancy. I shared the thought with someone and instead of the response being interest or excitement or encouragement – the very things I would have given were the situation reversed – I was met with “ok”.

I thought about that as Marie listed all the little ways she actionably loves and lifts Malcolm while not receiving that in return. I know it’s easy to say “but people love differently so it can’t be expected that it is returned in the same ways it was given”. And I agree. But often I think we get lost here. This is the place and space that allows us to continually find reasons why it’s ok that we get what’s left. People express love differently, but I think when it’s healthy, the outcome is still the same …. BOTH parties feel like they matter.

I’ve written before that, under the auspices of love, people can use you up and drain you dry. From you they receive support, encouragement, feedback, and a whole cheer squad. You’re being Marie, doing what you thought was the way to love and be loved. Then you look up one day and begin to count the days, weeks, months, and possibly years that in fact – you’ve been trying to love enough for two.

It does not work. It cannot.

Love is a verb.

It lifts.

It expands.

It supports.

It encourages.


Posted in expression

The Mythology of Modesty

Society says
button up all the way to the top
that dress should be below your knee
tuck those curves away
wearing red lipstick is for loose women
fishnet panty hose are for whores (or husbands)
zip our lips if we want to be chosen
push our personality down so as not to offend

We have been convinced that modesty will save us
That is the power of the Mythology of Modesty

The Mythology of Modesty tells women that if we cover up, we will be safe
It says that if we are meek and mild and modest
Our lovers will not force themselves upon us
Our bosses will not pass us by for promotion
It says that if we just dress differently
A stranger on the street won’t catcall us on our way home
Our partners will not forsake us for another
It has convinced us that if we would just act differently or put on pants instead, a stranger would not accost us and claim what is ours as his own

From church pews to classrooms to boardrooms
She who shows herself –
her mind,
her heart,
her body

is viewed as less than

No matter
the depth of her knowledge,
the fullness of her love
the magnificence of her body

Until her Blackness is revered
Until her brilliance is celebrated
Until her very existence matters
Until she is held in high regard
Until she is protected as a national treasure
Until she is viewed as whole

Modesty will not save her.
And it will not save you.

BlackMagicWoman #InHerOwnWords

Copyright © 2020 Tamika Brown and

Posted in expression

We Lose So Much

“For #NigelShelby, Whom I Did Not Know, But Love”

We are such a sad and fearful people.

We speak words that indicate that we want to be happy, filled with joy, have a peaceful + wonderful life.

But our actions.

Our actions speak much differently and certainly much louder.

Because we are ashamed, we want others to be so as well.

Because we hide our feelings, we want others to do so as well.

Because we do not know how to love – ourselves, not others, we want others to also experience that lack.

We hide behind the status quo.

We hide what others think.

We run from what “they” might say.

Instead of holding them to the light,

Instead of making them a priority

We neglect those who lift us higher

We tuck them to the side, we force them to hide.

And because of our fear,

our lack of understanding,

our lack of care

our hiding

We make those who choose love, light and life … suffer.

Rest In Power young man 🌈💕

Copyright © 2019 Tamika Brown and

Posted in creativity, expression, lust, Uncategorized

dig in

on most days

quiet consumption

will suffice

on other days

being devoured

with ravenous glee

is the only way to be sated

a look

a caress

a slight smile









in all ways

you are mine

i am yours

Copyright © 2018 Tamika Brown and

Posted in expression

you good (?)

“Check on your strong friend.” This has been on all my timelines the last several days. Initially, it struck me as “YESSS!!” but then it kept niggling at me.

I understand that the sentiment behind it is to get us to check on that friend who is ‘always there when needed’, the one who always seems ‘to have it all together”, that friend who is ‘always ensuring everyone has what they need’ …

But still, somehow, to ME, it seems to negate something or someone. Or maybe it brings to mind just how selective we have become with our humanity, our love and care towards one another. We place people in categories and dole ourselves out to them based on how we perceive them or where they sit on our ‘spectrum of care’. We meter our time and attention and even our words of encouragement.

The sentiment of checking on your “strong friend” is a perfect example though I suppose. Because they look like they have everything under control, we give them less of us. Less encouragement, less help, less time.

So, yes! Check on your “strong” friend, your “regular” friend, your “mediocre” friend, even your “sketchy” friend. We’re all out here trying to make it.


Don’t let anybody devalue/dismiss your thoughts or emotions by telling you to simply ‘pray about it’. Prayer does indeed work BUT we must ALSO take action!

(If you or anyone you know is dealing with depression, mental illness or thoughts of suicide please reach our for help. Call 1-800-273-8255 or find a dedicated therapist at

Copyright © 2018 Tamika Brown and

Posted in expression

… stanza one …


not floating


not drowning exactly

but tossed

you know?

like a small boat

caught suddenly in a big wave


searching for the shore

desperate for safety

longing for


Copyright © 2018 Tamika Brown and

Posted in expression


with the brilliance of your smile

with the vividness of your wit

with the depth of your stroke

with the audacity of your love

cover me

Copyright © 2018 Tamika Brown and

Image: @ThaFynePrynt